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[02 Oct 2011|07:31pm] |
To say I'm looking forward to tomorrow...would be a lie. I have gotten very used to not waking up with the sun. Tomorrow I get to be up BEFORE it.
6am-4pm Table reading
4pm-???pm Helping Logan
9pm-???pm(am?) Filming
Tomorrow is going to be extremly interesting.
A hot bath sounds good right about now.
Private
Still baffled about Cullen. After all of those years of knowing me he actually treats me like that. I expect it from Brian, sure. But Cullen...really? If I wasn't such a good person...I'd...go talk to Betos. But I'm not that kind of person and to perfectly honest...I KNOW I'm not the horrible person everyone is making me out to be. I have only slept with one person in my whole entire life. And that is the person I'm most worried about believing those lies. Dimitre tells me that he's not worried about what the tabloids think. But then he asks me where the girl he met in Canada went to? That girl...was free of stress. Free of scandal, free to live her life. Me...I feel like I'm always looking over my shoulder and making sure I make no mistakes. I'm human. I make mistakes, I stumble, I fall but I get right back up.
I'm thinking of breaking my contact. To focus more on theater. I miss being infront of a live stage. I miss having to know my lines, because I can't mess up. I miss working with dfferent people on different productions. I miss the costumes, the period pieces...the sets. I miss it all. Patrick says I shouldn't quit. That I'm amazingly talented. I didn't expect something like that to come out of his mouth. Surprised me really...just like his whole fake wedding idea. Maybe he isn't the worst person in the world. That doesn't him my new best friend. I still...have my issues with him.
I miss Dimitre. He's been settling in all weekend and I haven't seen him much. Maybe I should go see him before my bath. Maybe I should try out his bathtub. Noooo...I have to get up early. Emma no.
Thankfully Zora has stopped watching me like a hawk. We haven't fully made up and I'm still mad she lied to me. But she did what she thought was best.
/Private
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[30 Sep 2011|12:43pm] |
I give up. I just can't have at least one friend without fucking up their life up.
Logan, I'm sorry. I don't understand how they knew I came to see you. I didn't tell anyone!
I need to end things with Dimitre before he gets hurts too
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